The Knife of Never Letting Go
by Kandros Fir
Summary: What if all wicked witches were once princesses who fell in love and broke?


A/N: Many thanks to Momo for patiently helping me out with this story. You guys should have seen the rough draft! Enough to make my eyes bleed.

Juvia is all hardened edges, with eyes as hard as diamonds, and a tongue as sharp as a knife, but nothing is tougher or sharper than the wall around her heart. How could it be? It was forged in the flames of betrayal and sharpened with the knife of broken promises. She wields her body like a weapon, wearing low cut black tops that show small hints of her ample breasts and booty shorts that revealed most of her well-toned thighs and fit snugly against her derriere. She is a wicked witch (with extra emphasis on wicked) gliding through nightclubs she shouldn't be in with a smile that screams to all the boys, "You're not coming out alive".

Juvia strings along a line of suitors like kites on a cord and occasionally chooses one. At first, things are fiery and passionate, kisses given out like candy on Halloween - too much, too sweet too soon; atleast everyone agreed the sugar rush was worth the stomachache. Her boyfriends know little about commitment, honesty or trust, and she herself isn't too invested in keeping them around when they are no longer fun.

Her best friend, Lucy, has never understood why Juvia keeps on having these relationships that go nowhere.

"I get you've got a reputation to keep, and it isn't like I'm your mom, but at some point, isn't it better to go for a quality guy who can keep you satisfied than a bunch of ones that can't?"

"I suppose a pink haired idiot without balls qualifies as quality now?"

"Natsu has plenty of balls," Lucy protests.

"I suppose you'd know, seeing how many times you've shifted his gears and taken him for a ride," Juvia replies, walking away as Lucy sputters, effectively ending the conversation.

As much as the two girls share in common, Lucy will never understand. Juvia figures it is a little like fast food. Sure it's supremely unhealthy, but it is food, and it's cheap and delicious. Besides, she's not sure she's cut out for a committed relationship, considering her first and only one lead her down the road to ruin, and nearly pushed her over the cliff of no return.

Love's a pyramid scheme, and she doesn't want in.

Then Gray Surge creeps into her life like a thief in the night, and before she knows it, before she has a chance to stop him, he steals her breath away. At first she's unimpressed by him. He's just the best friend of Lucy's favorite victim, Natsu, and he's nothing but an absolute weirdo who wears seven layers of clothing even in the summer. She doesn't really want to get involved with him, but he falls in love with her, somehow, and always manages to find every excuse he can to spend time with her. It's annoying, and Juvia makes it very clear to Gray that he's not her type. Still, they get closer. In some ways Gray fits into her life like a glove on her hand, and that scares her, so she creates a barrier of venomous, vile words to keep him away. But Gray goes through it like it's not even there. Somewhere along the way, he endears himself to her with the inexplicable petty things he loves to do, whether it was the mission he protected those kidnapped kids with his body, or the endless stream of abandoned cats and dogs he's obsessed with rescuing despite his allergies and the many bites and scratches he receives as thanks. Or perhaps even the small boringly nice things he does, like carrying grocery bags bursting with produce for grannies crossing the street, and taking her home from the bar when she's too drunk to remember where her house is, and then brewing a cup of tea for her when she wakes up, bitter the way she likes it.

 _Closer_ , and _closer_ , and _closer_ , his fingers gasp her heart. Sometimes, it even makes Juvia wonder if it would be so terrible to get caught, until she remembers the minefield of bad decisions her life has become. She was seventeen when she fell in love with a boy who taught her love was a knife in the back - the empty crevice where her heart once was makes sure she won't forget that lesson so easily. His hair was the color of a field of corn, and he had teeth so white she swore his smile must have given her snow blindness.

Maybe that's why she lost sight of herself staring at his back as he lead her down a dark path.

* * *

Juvia sits alone in a bar trying to use the alcohol as whiteout for the fact that she is alone on Christmas. And while the shots she's had won't fix anything, she doesn't want to go through today sober. Tomorrow she can feel like a crumpled up piece of paper thrown in the recycling bin.

Somewhere in between her fourth and fifth shot, Gray shows up and sits next to her.

"I hope you don't mind the company," he says.

"What are you doing here?" she splutters.

"I figured you wouldn't want to be alone on Christmas."

Juvia snorts.

"Even if I was feeling lonely, you'd be the last person I'd want to spend Christmas with."

"I'm at least better than nothing, right?"

And maybe she should drive him off with a "fuck off" but she's swimming in liquor at the moment and feeling vulnerable and honest, so instead she asks, "I'm a mess, I've never said a kind word to you, and I've never given you any reason to believe I'll return your feelings, so why do you stay? "

He takes a minute or two to stare at her, and the silence stretches into eternity, before Gray replies, "Because I love you."

She stares at her empty glass, her index gliding over the rim, "Why though? I'm no princess waiting for her knight on a white horse. I'm more like the evil witch who casts the curses."

"Then I guess I'm under your spell," Gray says, his eyes twinkling.

"Gray! I'm being serious here."

"I think you're a better person than you give yourself credit for," he says, his eyes drilling into hers. The faint scent of his cologne invaded her nostrils, an invigorating, musky smell mixing in with the stench of stale alcohol and vomit from the bar.

Juvia takes a swig of beer to clear her throat and replies, "You're wrong. I have a criminal record in the town I come from. I came to Fairy Tail to escape getting caught."

To her surprise, he nods in acknowledgment, "I heard the story from Lucy. You didn't do it for your own sake, you did it for your boyfriend's sake."

She lets a dry laugh out, "That still doesn't excuse what I did."

"No, but you beat yourself enough about it. It's where you disappear to every year in May isn't it, to check up on the town and the victims you left behind? I think it might be time for you to forgive yourself and move on."

It takes her by surprise, the fact that he noticed and he knows. More so, the fact that he doesn't care about it. She lets her heart be touched for a split of a second before recovering.

"What do you know about forgiveness, and moving on?"

A sad expression flashed across Gray's face, and in his eyes, Juvia could see the story of a boy who'd seen too many goodbyes and not enough happy endings.

"You're not the only one who's been hurt badly by life. Maybe I'll tell you the story some other time, when you're sober and the bar isn't closing soon."

Juvia knows this is the point where she's supposed to rebuff him, to keep him from hoping until he moves on and finds a normal girl to fall in love with rather than wasting his affections on her.

But suddenly she feels so tired and weary of pulling the pin on Gray's heart and damaging both of them in the explosion. Also, the alcohol is sapping her consciousness, so she just mumbles a "maybe," before falling sleep.

She regrets those words a week later when she finds herself being dragged to the carnival.


End file.
